I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
