pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
