i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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