omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
