dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
