There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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