I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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