i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
