Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
