i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize