You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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