Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
