he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
