So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
