It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize