I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
