she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
