I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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