She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
