if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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