Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
