I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You dont lie about slip and slides
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
