i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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