dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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