Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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