My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Boobs speak an international language.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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