I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
