they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
