I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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