New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
