i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
