This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
