I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
