Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
