She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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