Jerry, you need to find god
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize