Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
