she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
