I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
