I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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