I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
