And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
