I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
