i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
