coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need water and some morals
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
