Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize