apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
