This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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