College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
