Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
