Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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