jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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