I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
