is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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