If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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