Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
