awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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