Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
