he thought i was a dude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
