I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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