oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
