Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize