theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
