you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize