Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
