so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
