you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
