Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
