Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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